capacity of the heart to give is limitless

did you know that the capacity of the heart to give is limitless?  i didn’t.  well, not mine at least…

despite the almost 30 years of conditioning and customization as the spoilt, intolerant, self-centered baby member of the family, i, the most unlikely candidate, am experiencing beyond any reasonable control of my own, the limitless capacity to give from the heart – mine.

when shit happens, i feel shit.  but then i pick myself up again, like i always do, and slowly but surely the roller coaster climbs back up, geared, ready and set for another gut wrenching nose dive into the shits.  despite the repeated velocity dips into frustration, confusion, anguish, and anger time and time again, i cannot bring myself to stop getting up or giving up.  i just get up and continue to give.

ah yes, the issue is probably not that i can’t, but i won’t (?).

everyone has either directly or indirectly counselled me to stop giving.  ”JUST STOP IT!”, they say.  it didn’t matter whether i was giving, unprovoked, for reasons of self-gratification and the sheer shrill, thrill and sense of excitement, or that i was, on the other hand, rather easily and repeatedly tricked into giving by the torturous parasite [cute name]. the reasons couldn’t be more irrelevant.  i just simply should stop bc it’s a no win, lose-lose, got shit written all over it kind of bad news for me.

not that i disagree and i do see their point, but the capacity of the heart to give is limitless and my desire to give is simply unconditional.  all justifcation and reason to stop giving is rendered obselete.  there is no reasonable explanation as to why, when, where or how, when it’s all about the who.

i just want to keep on giving with no strings attached and although hope veers its dangerous head once in a while, my giving from the heart is without expectations, and hence the brave, unconditional, and limitless capacity to give.

some day the gears on the roller coaster will fail and i will fall off the rails, come down crashing and burning.  the heart will then make its final curtain call and bleed out without the means to mend itself.  but until then, the capacity of this stubborn little naive heart will keep on giving, without limitation.  and hopefully without regret.